My dreams and those dreams come true
My name is Jakub Nowaczyk. Leszek Nowaczyk, my father, passed away due to liver failure (a consequence of alcohol abuse). I lost him when I was sixteen years old. I remember the day of his death as one of the most beautiful days of my life. Over time, I began to adjust to his absence. Initially, I felt relief—there were no more arguments, shouting, or violence at home. As the years went by, I forgot about him more and more, as if erasing his existence. Yet, the feeling of emptiness never left me.
At the beginning of 2023, while searching the attic of my family home, I came across my father’s journal titled “Dark Thoughts”. I also found hundreds of photos and letters. That’s when I realized that I never truly knew him. He had once been a sensitive man, a poet, an excellent photographer, a caring husband, and above all—a loving father. Although I lacked his love, I now know that he never stopped loving us.
The death of my grandfather (who passed away on my father’s sixth birthday), being raised by a despotic communist grandfather, and the lack of a mother’s care left scars that, in some way, were passed on to me.
Although he caused me a great deal of pain, I am proud of him, and I hope he would be proud of me too.
The “Dark Thoughts” project is my attempt to confront the image of my father, but also to find myself. I have always felt like I was chasing something, though I never knew what. This project is the answer to my search.
The “Dark Thoughts” project is my attempt to confront the image of my father, but also to find myself. I have always felt like I was chasing something, though I never knew what. This project is the answer to my search.
Below, you will find a video showcasing the contents of the photography book and the photo essay. Both of these videos will help you better understand this project.
"Dark Thoughts" is a photography book project that I began working on in 2022. Initially, it was supposed to be my diploma project at the National Education Commission University in Kraków. However, I quickly realized that this was a much larger project and, above all, much more important to me. I have managed to produce the first version of the book, printed in just a few copies. Nonetheless, I make small adjustments to the project every day. Currently, my top priority is finding a publisher who could finance a larger print run of the book and provide adequate promotion.
Will I ever return to my dreams?
Will I recognize my face after the years?
Life, which slowly passes by,
escapes against my will.
Time, which kills just as easily
the truest of feelings
as it heals the deepest wounds.
It takes away memory,
leaving only doubtful memories,
of which we are no longer sure,
or maybe they never existed at all,
and we fall victim to strange illusions?
Will I recognize my face after the years?
Life, which slowly passes by,
escapes against my will.
Time, which kills just as easily
the truest of feelings
as it heals the deepest wounds.
It takes away memory,
leaving only doubtful memories,
of which we are no longer sure,
or maybe they never existed at all,
and we fall victim to strange illusions?
